Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
