hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
