Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
