walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
