Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
