Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize