Soap is not a condiment
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
