May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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