Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
