Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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