You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
