fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
