so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
