I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
