I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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