What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
