Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
