she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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