My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
