at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
