dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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