The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
