why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
