you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
