the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
