I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
