I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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