jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize