brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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