Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
