His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
