so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
