Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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