just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
