I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
