If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
