Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
