dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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