Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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