if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
