I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just google imaged poop.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
