i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
