never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
