o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
