I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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