when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
