you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize