ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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