I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize