adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
