have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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