you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
