Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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