Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize