You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
