Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
