He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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