having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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