Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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