I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
