i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
