His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
