I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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