Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
