Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
